Hello my dear friends and prayer partners,
I am so sorry that I have not posted anything for quite some time. My hands became quite full with a newborn baby and my precious Kole needing so much attention during his illness. I have wanted to post many times but we just got internet capabilities a couple of days ago.

Anyway, I just want to thank everyone for all of your prayers, comments, bible passages, cards, gifts, love, concern, hugs, and tears. Kole was surely loved and we as a family have all felt it.

I cannot explain the emotional roller coaster that has gone on but what I can say is that God continues to bless our family. We miss Kole greatly but we are thrilled that he is healed, running, and laughing at us that he made it to heaven first. Everyday, we look at his cute pictures on the fridge and we want him back but we only would want him if he was healed completely. But then we realize that Kole wouldn't want to come back. Why would he? He has everything he ever dreamed of and much more in heaven. Knowing this gives me great comfort. Everytime I think I should have given him something or taken him to a special restaurant that we never made it to can make me feel bad. It does not take long for me to get out of the pit and realize that he eats much better food and plays on the fastest gators in heaven. He has not missed out on one thing. Praise the Lord.

I have to thank God for his great mercy. I can actually say that I am very happy. Even though I miss Kole I am happy. It is amazing how God takes care of every part of me. Someone was telling me that some people were very concerned for me because of the fact that I had faith that Kole was going to be healed by God. I don't know if these people thought that I would go into great depression or be mad at God if Kole would not be healed here on earth. I will yell it from every mountain top that our GOd is good and a loving God. No one, I mean no one, can go wrong having faith that our Lord Jesus can and will heal you or a loved one. With this faith and seeking the Lord through His word and prayer is healing in and of itself. God has healed Kole and he has healed my heart. I am constantly thinking about this verse in Philipians 4:4-7

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Refoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. THe Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to GOd. And the peace of GOd, which trancends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

YOu see that part that I put in bold print is the important part for me right now. The bible speaks constantly about trusting GOd or having faith in HIm. I did not need to guard my heart or my ego because GOd will do it for me. In fact, I asked my sister why wouldn't someone trust God. He is the best you can get. She replied with something Beth Moore says, "People do not want to be wrong." After going through this, I know that this is part of it and the other part is that we want to guard out emotions so we can prepare ourselves for the worst. But what I have learned is that it is ok to be wrong because God is never wrong. ALso, that we do not need to guard our emotions because GOd does it for us. Who do you want guarding your heart? God or yourself? I choose GOd. I know that if it were up to me to guard my heart I would be a mess. Only God can heal a heart that has lost a precious child. I know that Jesus has guarded my heart. He did not allow me to torture myself with anguish. Jesus is doing the crying for me. We put all of our trust and faith in HIm and He has shown His love for us better than any earthly father could do. For my own father cannot prevent me from having great sorrows but my heavenly father sure has. All I can do is praise my GOd because sometimes I just sit and think wondering how I am functioning. I know my God is so big and he has taken care of all of my needs.

Psalm 40:1-3
"I waited patiently for the Lord: he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our GOd. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."

Please continue praying for us as we know and can feel all of your prayers.
God Bless,
Janni